Edward wandered quietly through dark alleys and crowded streets. He kept his collar up around his pale throat, acting as if he were cold, which of course he wasn’t. He was learning, gradually, how to act human again. The moment he became a vampire, all things natural and alive were dead in him. He truly did die a mortal death, and when he awoke there was nothing mentally or emotionally human. He had retained vague memories, which came and went over the years, but they were far away things to him and mostly painful. It was easier to forget than to recall, though the time he existed in now was not easy either, for everything around him was desperate and dying. Unfortunately, everyone was able to simply shut it out, while he had only just begun to control his overwhelming power.

The crash had left their world in a state of absolute chaos. The Great Depression was so much more than a downcast economy. Suicide had been overwhelming the first couple years after 1929, and though the numbers steadily declined, the thoughts of those suffering may have fallen on deaf ears, but not his ever-active mind gift. Their imaginings were inescapable. The starving, drunken, crazed, desperate, thoughts of people filled his thoughts, usually leaving him in a stupor of agony and despair. He didn’t just see what they were thinking; he experienced it, and had no way of escaping it. Edward was desperate to leave, to go live out in the wilderness the way Tanya’s clan had. He had only just met them a couple years back at the urging on Carlisle, and he yearned to be with them again, if only to be away from the horrible metropolis and its citizens.

He wanted peace, and he could never have it here, both because of his blood thirst and because of his power. Gift. Ability. Curse. Whatever you wanted to call it.

He passed so many people on the streets, most of them dying of disease or starvation, looking for work, some of them doing even lowlier things for money. He had several offers on his way home, some suffering so terribly for whatever reason that he was tempted to put them out of their misery. But no. He had already done his rebelling, it would be stupid and selfish of him to simply give into his thirst…again. He didn’t want to be that again, though things had been difficult for him, more so than usual, because of their newest family member. Rosalie.

There were several things that she brought to the table when Carlisle found her and turned her…and really it was a thoughtful gesture. Carlisle could never endure the needless suffering of innocent people, and when he saw her he found her to be beautiful and too young to die. Just like him. So he made her into a vampire…and although she relished her strength and speed that came along with it, so much so that she exacted revenge on those who had nearly killed her while she was alive, it had caused some…hiccups. That in itself caused a great deal of tension in their small family, as Carlisle felt that she was both within rights to exact such revenge, but also that those men were dead because of him. Edward knew all this, of course, because he couldn’t help hearing it. Most people never had to worry about shielding their thoughts, but when Edward had been turned, his family had to learn to deal with his ability. Which, wasn’t exactly a walk in the park.

In fact, they were all still adjusting to one another. Esme was an easy transition for him. She loved him immediately as her son, and he loved her easily as a mother. Carlisle was an easy father to him as well, being a mentor and teacher from day one. But Rose…Rose was another can of worms, so to speak. Esme and Carlisle thought they would keep each other company and take a liking to each other once Rose became a vampire. In truth neither of them suited one another, and it showed immediately. It wasn’t that she was unattractive, he was a man after all, and she was truly lovely to look at…but her personality was so unlike his own, and not compatible in any way. And she held that against him, though he didn’t explain this to anyone. She was gorgeous, sure enough…but she knew it, and she had always known it.

But these things didn’t bother him as much as her rage, her anger toward Carlisle for turning her. He didn’t tell Carlisle any of the things she felt or thought. It would wound him deeply to know the things she thought towards him. But, in truth, he had experienced similar feelings. Carlisle had been as compassionate and forgiving as ever towards Edward blatant disregard for their way of life, and had accepted him readily when he returned. Carlisle didn’t need to feel that again, though Edward suspected he knew her thoughts, even if he could not hear them.

When he looked at her, in the spare moments he had to observe her…he felt…sadness, a terrible deep void of pain that he knew must he hers. He felt…pity. There were things she longed for even now, things she could never have. He often had vivid images of a woman, a friend of hers when she was still alive…and with that woman came a child, a gorgeous child…but with these memories were feelings of envy. Looking upon her was like seeing a tiger in a cage at a zoo or a circus. An unfathomably beautiful predator looking out on the world, captive and unsatisfied. Alone and inconsolable, yearning for a life they could never have again. It was a sad existence for her, they all knew it. Part of her yearned to see her parents also, her family…which he understood completely. But that was impossible, too difficult. She was too young as she was, or so Carlisle thought.

Edward was asked to keep his mind open, but he had laughed in response and told him that he didn’t have a choice. Not only that but Rose’s mind was nearly always screaming at him. She demanded to be paid attention to, even while she was unaware of it.

He twisted the doorknob and slid into the doorway, glad to be out of the world outside. He made a groaning noise as he shut the door behind him. He went from one hell to another.

His mind felt around him, against his will of course, and found the chaos of Rose’s thoughts immediately. Flashes of what must be her mother came and went like a slideshow, then bitterness so deep it caused him to gasp. She wanted to see them. Then thoughts of hunger, of feeding on humans…and venom flowed into his mouth. Oh, to taste human blood again. That would be something…oh the warmth of it, the richness of it. He blinked hard, trying to get the image out. He could almost feel his eyes going black.

“Damn it, Rose. Can you please control your thoughts? You’re killing me down here!” He huffed slightly as he started up the stairs to her. “I mean, you know I can’t help it.” Then he shook his head as he stepped through the doorway to her room. “I’m sorry, I know it can’t be helped. But a little effort on your part would be greatly appreciated. Please.”

Even before Rose had even said he word he knew what to be expected, and really he didn’t deserve a kinder reply. He wasn’t exactly very friendly himself and they hadn’t been since the very beginning, to Carlisle’s dismay. That didn’t make Carlisle regret his decision. There was never a selfish moment that Edward could recall in Carlisle’s thoughts, save for the transformation of his wife, Esme. But even that he held proudly in his conscience. Carlisle could never regret Esme, who in turn took the transformation easily and with appreciation. She was happy, always happy. Carlisle knew that demons would haunt Rosalie, he knew that the moment he found her splayed and broken on the street.

And yet that did not keep him from turning her.

At first, Edward believed that it was for the sole purpose of finding him a mate, which was beyond embarrassing. Carlisle had his choice of a wife and mate, and he had chosen well for they both cared for one another in such a deep way that even Edward had to flee or turn away in their presence. It may have been…naïve to think that the two of them would take to one another naturally just because they were both beautiful physically and around the same age…so to speak. Foolish it might have seemed for Carlisle to save her life to create a companion for him…but Edward knew Carlisle wouldn’t have done so based on that fact alone. Carlisle knew how Tanya felt about Edward, but knew also that the feelings were not reciprocated. Ultimately, he knew his ‘Father’ just wanted him to be happy.

Carlisle had wondered once if Edward preferred men, a just curiosity to which Edward had to, while again embarrassed beyond measure, set right. Edward was attracted to women, but not for their looks at this time. In his human life he thought he might have been romantically involved with a girl, though he couldn’t remember clearly. It didn’t matter really, since no one, vampire or human, had caught his attention in that way. He couldn’t simply court a woman that he found good-looking. It just wasn’t the same, and it wasn’t easy. If he met a woman whom he liked to behold, her mind would be laid bare to him. He would know her without being given a choice. And aside from that, as soon as he got within close enough range he could smell their blood and hear their hearts…and so they naturally repelled him.

He had tried to explain this, and it was well understood by all. Still, his isolation and loneliness was cause for worry apparently. He could well remember the sight of Rosalie in Carlisle arms, his face worried and excited, and Rosalie screaming in agony. Esme immediately brushed Rosalie’s long hair away from her pale face, her brows furrowed. Edward had seen Esme’s thoughts. No sooner had Rosalie been brought into the house, Esme knew her as ‘Daughter’ and not stranger, which struck Edward as odd. Esme immediately moved to take Rosalie from Carlisle, and it was a strange sight to see Esme, delicate and soft in body and features, simply lift the tall woman and take her up the stairs as if she weighed nothing.

Rosalie screamed the whole time, sometimes she wept. Sometimes her body exhausted itself and on the first night she lost consciousness. But that was the last time she would be able to feel the oblivion of sleep ever again.

Their conversation was tense when Edward had asked about Rosalie. Why he created her, but Carlisle would not tell him directly. He simply kept on saying that he couldn’t let her die. Edward might have questioned him further, if he didn’t pick out the answer for himself. Carlisle wouldn’t say it out loud, but he freely let his mind say it.

Like Tanya though, Edward appreciated her beauty. But very unlike Tanya, Edward didn’t naturally like her. She was spiteful and angry. She wanted revenge on those that had hurt her. She wanted to kill. But stranger than that, she didn’t want to feed on them, no, because that would be normal. More than that she wanted their blood, she wanted their deaths. The intensity of her hatred was almost painful to Edward, who could not escape it no matter what. And when he learned of what had happened to her, of how she had suffered…she played the night again and again in her mind at first. It was her last human memory…her last memory of being alive. Edward could never blame her for what she did. Those men deserved it. He might have even helped her, if he didn’t think that revenge belonged to her and her alone.

So when he looked on her now in her room, he held his tongue. She was still very young as vampires went, and she was still technically newborn. She could hurt him badly if she wished, and she could kill him if she knew how. She was that strong and he wasn’t ignorant of the fact.

“Rosalie…sorry.” He coughed. “And everyone doesn’t do everything they want while you sit here! Certainly not me. You think you’re the only one who can’t be normal and do normal things? Rosalie you’re a vampire, you’re abnormal and will be forever more. I’m a freak. I can’t even walk down the street without being impaled by everyone’s thoughts, feelings, visions, hopes… you think you have it bad? To know everyone’s thoughts all the time? It’s terrible. Humans are disgusting creatures.” He sniffed his nose once, trying to scoff. He really was trying to get along with her. He was even borderline joking. “There are some things in this world you never need to know.” He visibly cringed. "And what would you do anyway, if you didn't have to stay here?"

“But…I had a thought.” His eyes drifted along the floor until they met her form at the window. “Do you want to go and see them? Your family? I’m not saying it would be a good idea to talk to them or anything but if you wanted…to say…goodbye?” He knew Carlisle would be against it, and Esme would fret. “If I could have said goodbye to my mother, I would have. But she was already dead.” Rosalie’s parents thought all the deaths had been connected, Royce and his friends with Rosalie’s seeming disappearance. They called it a string of unsolved murders. “This may not have been your choice, Rosalie, but it doesn’t have to be hell for you.”

Rosalie was on a tirade, and yet she spoke not a word.

Her mind was a jumbled mess of so many things. Edward felt himself becoming somewhat overwhelmed not only by the veritable quantity of her thoughts, but by the quality as well. It was difficult to regain his own focus once his mind found hers. Her mind rolled over and over again in familiar patterns like the waves of the ocean, receding and returning again and again to beat down on the sand that was his brain. No matter how hard he tried to recoil from her thoughts, he knew her mind and so his own was drawn to it. It was the same with Esme and Carlisle. He could find their thoughts easily like a song he knew. Once he heard the tune of their minds he would, even without trying, latch onto it. And at this proximity, there was no escaping her.

He did his best not to judge or to assume anything. Everyone had a right to his or her privacy. Everyone was born with the ability to recluse into a solitude that was their own. Edward was simply born with the ability to overcome that boundary. He found himself feeling so many things at once when he walked among mortals, most of which were strange things for him to feel. For instance, excitement over something new that was purchased, like a dress or a new pair of shoes. He found himself relishing the feeling of someone else’s life. Sure, these things were not things he enjoyed himself, but happiness was happiness. Sometimes it would be agony he felt, like the death of a loved one. Sometimes it would be a man’s lust for a woman, or even more shocking, the reverse. He learned a great deal from humans all the time this way. Even if he forgotten how to be human, he was reminded constantly.

Then there was Rosalie, with her blatant dislike of him and his family. It hurt him on a personal level to be judged and to have Esme, the kindest person to walk the earth, scoffed at and unappreciated. It hurt him in a different way to know how Rosalie felt about Carlisle, and one day his own anger about it would resurface, but he was trying to keep it steady…trying to temper his molten anger. It wasn’t her fault he could read minds, nor anyone else’s. The main difference between the two was that his family knew about his ability. And even then she had no mercy.

She had finally spoken, and it wasn’t at all favorable. Didn’t she realize how hard he had just tried to be there for her? Didn’t she know that it had been a huge personal cost to his pride? He had done probably the first nice thing for her since she had been born a vampire, and she basically ignored it, even mocked it. He clenched his teeth in frustration, but it was made worse by the thoughts that followed.

“Rosalie,” he growled. “I know you hate me, Carlisle, and Esme for what we are and I know you loathe what you are. I know that and I don’t pretend to have an easy time of it myself. But if Carlisle hadn’t done what he did to save you…you’d be dead. Even if we are not alive the way we used to be, we are not altogether dead. Remember that he saved your life because you had not wished to die. Perhaps you had not fully understood that the life you would be given would not be the one you had, and if there had been time maybe you would have refused in the end. But it is done. You are here and not in the ground. What happened to you was awful…” he was treading on dangerous ground, that much was certain. He shouldn’t have even been discussing any of this with her. He was openly talking about her own thoughts, things that Carlisle had told him, and things he had of course known himself. “But you were also allowed to carry out your own justice and no other life could have ever given you that.”

His eyes met hers and he held an air of finality and seriousness that could not be ignored. She wanted to return to her family, of course she did. She remembered them still clearly, and she knew they were alive and looking for her. She knew they would never give up, and he knew that because she did. “You know they are still looking for you. They think you’re still alive because they didn’t find you in the bloody chaos of that scene you left behind. There are no answers or clues that would lead anyone to think that you were alive or that you were dead. But…” This word held very heavy in the air. “You can never rejoin them. Carlisle has explained to you why this can never be.” He didn’t need to explain all of the complications of her meeting her living family, or of the incredible urge she would have to kill them all.

“Carlisle…upset?” He gave a weak smile. “No of course not. He would understand why you went. He would even expect you to want to go and see the reasons for doing what you did. But like it or not, you are part of this family. If one of us is in danger then all of us are. If you endanger yourself by exposing what you are to your family, you endanger us too. And this might not seem like a big deal. Explaining what happened might be tempting. But Vampires are not all lawless and unwatched. There are others who monitor and know things about even you that you are unaware of. This hasn’t been explained to you yet but it will be. Then maybe you would think twice about everything you do.”

Edward sighed at her final questions. “I can’t believe you might think me capable of presenting you with such a possibility in jest. I would never do that. Even to you.” He smirked. “Carlisle has advised you not to go to your family, but he would never forbid you to do anything that would bring you happiness. You don’t know how he is now, but maybe someday you will. I have been shown who he is and what he’s capable of, and so I know this to be true. So to answer your question, seeing your family or not seeing them is up to you. The condition is, though, that it must be you seeing them only. Speaking to them or being any nearer to them than that is too dangerous at the present. You are simply too strong and too vulnerable. There is no way around it. But if you want to go I will go with you. You can say goodbye.” There was not much more to hope for.

Edward had, in life, been an only child. As a vampire he had basically been the same thing. And he found that it worked for him. Being in the care of Carlisle was easy in the beginning, and even convenient when it came to traveling together or making an appearance. Carlisle himself did not look like he could truly be his father, since he didn’t seem old enough to be such. Still, most people bought into the façade well enough since Edward looked so young. It had only been made easier by the appearance of Esme. She sealed in the pretense of them being a family because she actually looked the part, though she too had been young. It was only over time that they all became a true family, and after a time Edward fell into the pretense. Carlisle was his father. Esme was his mother. And now…now he was a brother.

He was the elder brother of a very unwilling sister. A sister who hated him and was disgusted, disturbed by what they all were. It made things very difficult for them all, especially for Carlisle, who often hoped that Rosalie would somehow come to terms with it, and terrified that she wouldn’t. He knew she resented him, but he could never destroy her even if she asked. There were others who would, if she stepped out of line. And she had not even an inkling of their existence, their laws. Everyone was subservient to the Volturi, because there were none more powerful than they were. Few were as old or as influential either. Most importantly, there were no armed forces of vampires aside from the Volturi, none with any strength left.

His mind, however focused on his thoughts as it may have been, was suddenly flooded with his sisters rage, her loathing, her hatred…and following it soon after was her worded response, though he knew it before she spoke a word. She said she didn’t know what was going to happen when she agreed to be turned, and perhaps that was true. So Edward was willing to play devil’s advocate here. She spat at his previous comments, telling him to shut up. He ignored this, as it was nothing new. He knew full well that Rosalie would react this way towards him.

“So let’s say, hypothetically, that you hadn’t died. What then? You would have been unrecognizable. You would have suffered far longer than you did being changed. Your bones would have taken months to heal, if possible. And even then they might not have healed well enough for you to be normal again. Carlisle says that you sustained injuries that would have rendered you a cripple. You would have lost the most important thing to you.” He didn’t dare say what he knew to be true about her, about her truest wish to have been a mother and have a family of her own, but he said the very nearest thing. “Your beauty would have been gone from your forever. And yet here you are, easily the most radiant and beautiful next to any mortal woman. You should count what blessings you have.”

He let her have her say for a time, saying what she pleased how she pleased. She was ignorant now, foolish and bitter. Odd that he would speak to her of preserving the safety of their family. It would be many years before the situation was reversed, with him being the risk taker, forsaking their own rules and habits, nearly betraying them all in his foolishness. It would be many years until he heard his own words being screamed at him in anger. But that is another story, in a different time.

“You may know of the Volturi. But you haven’t yet met them. When you do, and you will in time, you will understand. It won’t be long now before the request to meet you arrives. All of Carlisle’s fledglings are of great interest to them, at first.” The darkness that crept into his voice was due to the Volturi’s unwavering interest in himself. They wanted his gift, as imperfect as it was, to use for their own. Carlisle was able to delay him having to go to them, but knowing that it was only a temporary thing, he had gone finally and found himself forever changed. There was a fear that lived in Edward about those ancient ones, and he was keenly aware of it now. Because if Rosalie stepped out of line, it would provoke them to come here and he had no wish to see them. None at all.

“Hale, Cullen…doesn’t matter. If maintaining your name is what you want, it’s yours to keep. No one would force you to change it. And think what you want. You may think you can exist without this family now, but one day you will be shown that the need is there. I learned that the hard way, and it seems you will too.”

Without warning his entire mind suddenly became consumed with her thoughts. It felt like dreaming, he decided. It was a vision of her as a child, beautiful even then, talking with her mother. There was Rosalie, eight years old, craving attention. She craved it so badly that she hurt herself. So her mother indulged her, comforted her. Is that what Rosalie needed now? Would seeing her family help her cope or make things worse than they were? He tore his mind out of hers and sighed in frustration. But when he snapped open his eyes to the sound of her voice, she was already moving.

“Rosalie!” He followed behind her, trailing her easily. He’d always be able to find her, and he’d always be able to outrun her. But to hold her…he started to wonder if this was such a good idea. He’d never be able to restrain her.

He knew that talking to Rosalie was going to be like talking to a brick wall. Well, no, talking to Rosalie was like talking to someone who hated him completely and her words stung him, though he’d never admit it. Her thoughts, however, were so much worse. Rosalie didn’t hold back much when she spoke, but her hatred and dislike of him could not be completely expressed with words, the things she thought, the way she felt…it deserved a different, new word, or perhaps it could never be categorized. That was how bad it was, that was how mad she had become. And he understood it, he really did, and though at first Edward had been grateful to be alive and not dead like his parents, it hadn’t taken long for him to realize the price he would pay to be alive, and he had done his own kind of rebelling because of it.

But that was done and he hadn’t planned on doing that again. In fact, a lot of his energy was spent trying to be civil with his new sister. He had to be aware of a few things about her, first and foremost that she was strong enough to kill them all without trying too hard. Esme wouldn’t fight too hard, because already she loved Rosalie and if it came between Esme and Rosalie…Esme would choose Rosalie, the ungrateful, spiteful vampire, and that sickened him. Badly. As for Carlisle, he was much older than she, and he could probably at least fight her off long enough to instill some sense or reason with her, and Edward could only hope to be able to outrun her. He was, of course, the fastest among them on foot. But he hadn’t yet tested her Newborn skills, and he honestly didn’t want to.

Her questions came at him like pointed spears, and he had to tightly shut his mouth to prevent a stream of curse words from pouring out of him. He could of course explain to her the blessings of this life…one’s that he had failed to see in his earlier years, blessings he couldn’t have even fathomed then. Immortality was a curse in itself, but the ability to withstand almost anything was a plus. Edward for one would never be sick again. Ever. He would never have to lay in a disgusting hospital surrounded by sick people and feel afraid. Fever would never harm him again. Coughing? He didn’t even need to breathe. Edward had been too close to death; he didn’t have to be afraid of it ever again. He veritably was death, but not for people. Not anymore. Not ever again.

He snorted when she mentioned the Volturi, and her insolence in itself was insane to him. “You aren’t afraid of them, Rosalie, because you haven’t met them. To know them is to fear them, and you don’t have to take my word for it. No.” Humor and borderline laughter tinged his words, because he had met them, and he couldn’t remove their blood-red eyes from his memory. Nor could he dispel the disquiet he felt upon meeting the trio, and their guards. They had met them peacefully, on appointment really because they had wanted to meet Carlisle’s “son.” What they found had been much more interesting.

Aro’s touch had of course revealed Edward’s past, his sickness, and then all thoughts afterward, every single memory. It would be many more years before Edward would again feel the touch of Aro’s hand, but the first encounter had left a stain on his brain. It was horrifying, watching his own life before him as Aro saw it. It had been faster than he could comprehend; yet seeing his life before he had been turned had been a shock, as his human memories had all but disappeared at the time. He saw his human self, as a child, and then older, almost a man, and then sick. He saw his parents, and then a blur of fever and agony. The memories had disturbed him deeply, and it had been not long after before he had gone off in a fit of selfishness, foolishness and despair. He was lucky to be alive, and that he had not been forced to pay for his stupidity by payment of death. True death.

Because of this, he couldn’t help but empathize with Rosalie. She had lost her parents, but not to death as he had lost his. He wasn’t about to talk about this with her, as she would probably sneer or mock him, neither of which he could tolerate concerning his parents. Instead he avoided that and continued. “Sooner rather than later, the time will come when they summon you to them. All of Carlisle’s…fledglings are required to meet them, as Carlisle has a long and arduous alliance with them. “If you do not go to them they will come to you, and by that point you will have wished to go there rather than to see them here.” One way or another you paid for disloyalty and for disobedience. If they ever found out about her killing spree, or exposed herself tonight, her life was forfeit and no one would be able to save her.

But then she was gone, out into the world.

Traveling through the woods behind her, he could have easily overtaken her, he could have even gotten in her way, but that would be stupid. Lion tamers were capable of doing their job for one single purpose: Their wards, their massive lions, were prevented from realizing what they were capable of. If a lion’s nature was sparked, if they became aware of what they could do, there would be no stopping them.

Edward had no intention of allowing her realization to come to pass. Nor did he savor the thought of being plowed over by her. Instead he followed her, hoping that at some point, he might be able to talk some sense into her.